You know what made me think about this? I saw your friend Armin the other day. [Or… whenever it was. And she won’t mention the message part just yet; that deserves space, not to be dropped like a taunt.]
[It's not that Eren had been particularly expressive before she mentioned Armin (is he ever), but once she does, his face drops all at once into dumb shock. He can't even begin to control that reaction. This is, perhaps, the first time Aubrey will see his eyes light up with something other than anger. She's never known the "old" Eren hue, but who she sees now is close.
[All this disappears quickly, however, replaced by what is ostensibly agitation - but, when he speaks, his voice is anxious, not angry.]
Where is he?
[Then, with some actual agitation, or something even darker.]
[Same reaction, just about. She won’t forget that any time soon.]
[It doesn’t scare her exactly, not this round—but something about it warns her, even more than his words, not to bluster. Maybe it’s the echo.]
I— I’m not. Honest. [Aubrey lifts one hand in a sort of surrender, and lies the other over her chest—intentional this time, fingers out flat.] I don’t know where. But he’s here, somewhere.
He… wanted to tell you something. [So much for delaying. It feels too important not to say it, suddenly.]
[Dread. Why dread? An overwhelming feeling of 'this can't be happening'. Because Armin is here, but he's not here. Eren spent months avoiding his friends back home; now, he's prepared to leave them forever - to save them, but to leave them too. And yet, knowing that he's close, and that they're here - a different place, a different world, different circumstances - God, he just wants to see him.
[He needs to steal himself. Wipe the emotion of his face. 'Get yourself under control.' He tries, but he's nowhere near as cold and dead-looking as usual.]
Give it to me, then. Quit stalling.
[His pulse thrums in his wrists. A new, strange anxiety appears - what has Armin told Aubrey? Surely he wouldn't send her with a full blown plea. That would be humiliating for all three of them.
[Eren's skin goes clammy and cold as he hears those words. Damn Armin for sharing something so intimate with her; now that he's heard the message, he wishes it were a plea instead. He's eager to talk about The Rumbling, to beat the dead horse. Anything but this.
[It's difficult to keep his expression even. There's emotion in his eyes - real emotion that he couldn't dull if he tried. He's so angry at him. And then, of course, there's the grief. Eren likes to tell himself that Armin can't talk him out of anything like he can anyone else - he won't talk him out of The Rumbling, for example - but to feel so affected now...it's more than disquieting.
[He's stood there, quiet and dumb, for the past few moments now, entirely lost as to how to respond.
[Finally, the edge to his voice as dull as a spent blade:]
[Aubrey is quiet as the emotion washes over Eren—less out of consideration, as she did with Armin, but rather just to… watch. Study him, or at least try. These breaks are getting more and more common, it seems. (Or maybe she’s gotten better at bringing them out, intentionally or not.) Is being here wearing him down, too?
[Maybe he’s afraid, after all.]
[It’s only that idea that stops her from firing back immediately; that, and how he sounds. Like he couldn’t, if only for the moment, muster real anger if he tried.]
You’ve told me too much. [Both of you. Aubrey’s tone is careful.] I couldn’t if I tried.
[The anger is building, but Eren is unsure of which direction to focus it in. He's angry at Aubrey, he's angry at Armin, he's angry at this damn place for--]
Why the hell should he have seen you?
[Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.]
Armin is a fool. Whatever he told you, it doesn't matter. He can't stop what's already been set in motion no matter how hard he tries. It figures he would follow me -
[A short, cold laugh. Every laugh that Eren has given Aubrey has been the same - hollow.]
Even here. I can't believe it.
[He wants to strangle him. He wants to embrace him. He wants to ask him what the hell his problem is. He wants to race him to their tree in Shiganshina, and fall asleep reading their book.]
[“What’s already been set in motion”… Yeah, funny he should mention that. ‘Funny,’ the way immeasurable damage in less than a day is funny, the way Eren’s laugh is always so goddamn hilarious.]
[It’s impossible to forget who she’s talking to, what he’ll do—what he’s done. Some moments just make that clearer than others.]
He reacted the same, you know. [More or less. Of course they’d both tell her not to believe the other. And…] None of us asked to be here.
[He’s right, though. Isn’t he? Did she not have this exact thought before? …Not that it stopped her then.
[It should stop her now, the way this is more genuine emotion than Eren’s shown yet. It’s a familiar sentiment, too—stop making me confront this. Just shut up. Be quiet. Don’t get involved; you don’t know anything. And while that was good for Aubrey, by some definition of “good”… she really doesn’t know much, here. She didn’t need to explain that again.]
[Aubrey is getting really, really tired of Eren being right.]
Fine. That’s all I had to say, anyway. [Her hands drop. So does the crease of her brow, finally, finally letting some of her own emotion show. If she feels bad now, it’s for Armin’s sake, not Eren’s.] You asked.
[Eren Jaeger, for the first time in a long time, is feeling flustered - flustered by something other than a battle or goal, an obstacle on the path toward retribution and freedom. Aubrey's managed that. Aubrey is stuck like a thorn in his side. As often as he "shows up", she does too.
[Why?
[Eren's right hand flexes the same way Aubrey's seen in the past, but with more vigor, more anger. There's a slow-burning agitation building in him that normally might explode, but he can't even work himself up to that point. Armin Arlert isn't a problem that going titan can solve.
[Eren takes a short breath, frustrated, incredulous. His head snaps toward Aubrey, tone harsh and accusatory.]
Even when you want to talk about yourself you can't. It's pathetic. You must think you know everything about me now.
I see you too, Aubrey, whether you want to believe that or not.
Heh. Wrong again, Jaeger. [Now Aubrey sneers. Can’t help it, doesn’t try to help it; there’s a rush at his anger, the same sort of righteousness that spurred her through that second conversation—where she wanted to get under his skin. And she’s learned so much more since, but…]
There’s a lot I still don’t know about you—but you’re telling me an awful lot, just with that. [It’s a mockery, but not ingenuine. She’s tempted to step up to him, a little extra petulance—but she’s noticed that hand flexing, again, faster now. She’ll keep the distance.] I know we’re similar, and I don’t like it—that’s what I said in the first place.
[Any questions? Eren's own petulance rears up inside of him - not the childish sort, but something more unforgivable; the words of a man who's given up, who's lashing out at the world because his own selfish fantasies couldn't be fulfilled. Eren tries to hide this part of himself, but he's been pushed past that point now.]
Do you fear what you're capable of?
Do you lie awake at night, wondering whether you would have changed things even if you could?
Do your friends see what you've done? Are they horrified by you?
Can you forgive yourself, Aubrey? Do you even want to? Are you deserving of that?
Who are we talking about, Aubrey? Is it you, or me? They're one and the same. The only difference is power.
[He’s projecting. He’s practically said as much; that what he says is true might as well be a footnote. Is he so fucking lonely he’s willing to give himself away like this? He’s the pathetic one. He broke, and he’s lashing out, and she doesn’t have to listen to a goddamn word of it. She’s better than that, better than him.]
[At least she can admit it. At least she can look him in the eyes and say she knows exactly what he’s talking about. Does he think he’s saying anything new? There are no new wounds here—just words, words, useless worries, crammed through old ones like shears to the gut. The first stab is the worst, and she’s long past that now.]
[Aubrey is tired, and she is an idiot.]
[Maybe it doesn’t matter if the world is worth saving. Some individuals aren’t.]
[Her snarl has faded, replaced with something pitch. Cold. Dead. When she’d seen the body she dropped to her knees and stayed there, unable to cry, begging silently for numbness to eat her alive. She’s done plenty of the first, now. About time the rest showed up.]
[She steps up to Eren. Tilts her head, slightly, like she still needs to examine him.] You know what? [Her voice is empty as it’s ever been.] I don’t care.
[There is something in Eren; something very small, very old, lost to time, and grief, and darkness. Aubrey's eyes have gone cold, her voice colder. Eren's own voice, young and passionate, all fire, echoes in his head.
["Fight! You have to fight! If you win, you live! If you lose, you die! If you don't fight, you can't win! Fight! Fight!"
[They both may as well already be dead.]
Let that do you some service, then.
[Grief. Its familiar, hollow essence, blooming inside of him. Why is he thinking of that now?]
["It won't change anything," etc., etc.. But even he can't deny the truth when he's the one who's thrown it in her face.
[There are people from home arriving in this place now, and Aubrey knows too much. He needs to keep her close. Never mind the fact that disposing of her is also, potentially, an option. For whatever reason, it won't cross his mind.]
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Of what?
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[Oh yeah? You wanna play that game?]
You know what made me think about this? I saw your friend Armin the other day. [Or… whenever it was. And she won’t mention the message part just yet; that deserves space, not to be dropped like a taunt.]
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hue, but who she sees now is close.[All this disappears quickly, however, replaced by what is ostensibly agitation - but, when he speaks, his voice is anxious, not angry.]
Where is he?
[Then, with some actual agitation, or something even darker.]
Don't bullshit me, Aubrey.
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[Same reaction, just about. She won’t forget that any time soon.]
[It doesn’t scare her exactly, not this round—but something about it warns her, even more than his words, not to bluster. Maybe it’s the echo.]
I— I’m not. Honest. [Aubrey lifts one hand in a sort of surrender, and lies the other over her chest—intentional this time, fingers out flat.] I don’t know where. But he’s here, somewhere.
He… wanted to tell you something. [So much for delaying. It feels too important not to say it, suddenly.]
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[He needs to steal himself. Wipe the emotion of his face. 'Get yourself under control.' He tries, but he's nowhere near as cold and dead-looking as usual.]
Give it to me, then. Quit stalling.
[His pulse thrums in his wrists. A new, strange anxiety appears - what has Armin told Aubrey? Surely he wouldn't send her with a full blown plea. That would be humiliating for all three of them.
['Armin...What the hell is going on?']
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[Aubrey swallows, steadies her nerve. She was going to paraphrase, but…] He said…
“Tell Eren that I love him. And that we’ll talk soon.” [She’s hesitating just a bit more than Armin did, but forcing herself to hold eye contact.]
“Tell him it’s a promise.”
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[It's difficult to keep his expression even. There's emotion in his eyes - real emotion that he couldn't dull if he tried. He's so angry at him. And then, of course, there's the grief. Eren likes to tell himself that Armin can't talk him out of anything like he can anyone else - he won't talk him out of The Rumbling, for example - but to feel so affected now...it's more than disquieting.
[He's stood there, quiet and dumb, for the past few moments now, entirely lost as to how to respond.
[Finally, the edge to his voice as dull as a spent blade:]
You need to mind your business.
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[Aubrey is quiet as the emotion washes over Eren—less out of consideration, as she did with Armin, but rather just to… watch. Study him, or at least try. These breaks are getting more and more common, it seems. (Or maybe she’s gotten better at bringing them out, intentionally or not.) Is being here wearing him down, too?
[Maybe he’s afraid, after all.]
[It’s only that idea that stops her from firing back immediately; that, and how he sounds. Like he couldn’t, if only for the moment, muster real anger if he tried.]
You’ve told me too much. [Both of you. Aubrey’s tone is careful.] I couldn’t if I tried.
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Why the hell should he have seen you?
[Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.]
Armin is a fool. Whatever he told you, it doesn't matter. He can't stop what's already been set in motion no matter how hard he tries. It figures he would follow me -
[A short, cold laugh. Every laugh that Eren has given Aubrey has been the same - hollow.]
Even here. I can't believe it.
[He wants to strangle him. He wants to embrace him. He wants to ask him what the hell his problem is. He wants to race him to their tree in Shiganshina, and fall asleep reading their book.]
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[“What’s already been set in motion”… Yeah, funny he should mention that. ‘Funny,’ the way immeasurable damage in less than a day is funny, the way Eren’s laugh is always so goddamn hilarious.]
[It’s impossible to forget who she’s talking to, what he’ll do—what he’s done. Some moments just make that clearer than others.]
He reacted the same, you know. [More or less. Of course they’d both tell her not to believe the other. And…] None of us asked to be here.
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He reacted the same way? I sincerely doubt that.
[After all, Armin isn't like Eren. Armin still has a soul.]
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[Ah. Too far?]
He was shocked. [Very, very measured. Tension crawls up Aubrey’s back but she wills herself to stay firm.] He wanted to see you.
[And yet, another risk. She has to glance away for this one, at first:] He cares about you a lot, Eren. I think… [Back to him.] …you know that.
[I think you feel the same. Much as he’s tried to convince them otherwise.]
[I think you know he wants you to live.]
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I think you need to quit while you're ahead. This is none of your business.
[He's made it her business.]
You don't need to explain to me how Armin feels. I already know.
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[He’s right, though. Isn’t he? Did she not have this exact thought before? …Not that it stopped her then.
[It should stop her now, the way this is more genuine emotion than Eren’s shown yet. It’s a familiar sentiment, too—stop making me confront this. Just shut up. Be quiet. Don’t get involved; you don’t know anything. And while that was good for Aubrey, by some definition of “good”… she really doesn’t know much, here. She didn’t need to explain that again.]
[Aubrey is getting really, really tired of Eren being right.]
Fine. That’s all I had to say, anyway. [Her hands drop. So does the crease of her brow, finally, finally letting some of her own emotion show. If she feels bad now, it’s for Armin’s sake, not Eren’s.] You asked.
[You’re the one that keeps showing up…]
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[Why?
[Eren's right hand flexes the same way Aubrey's seen in the past, but with more vigor, more anger. There's a slow-burning agitation building in him that normally might explode, but he can't even work himself up to that point. Armin Arlert isn't a problem that going titan can solve.
[Eren takes a short breath, frustrated, incredulous. His head snaps toward Aubrey, tone harsh and accusatory.]
Even when you want to talk about yourself you can't. It's pathetic. You must think you know everything about me now.
I see you too, Aubrey, whether you want to believe that or not.
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Heh. Wrong again, Jaeger. [Now Aubrey sneers. Can’t help it, doesn’t try to help it; there’s a rush at his anger, the same sort of righteousness that spurred her through that second conversation—where she wanted to get under his skin. And she’s learned so much more since, but…]
There’s a lot I still don’t know about you—but you’re telling me an awful lot, just with that. [It’s a mockery, but not ingenuine. She’s tempted to step up to him, a little extra petulance—but she’s noticed that hand flexing, again, faster now. She’ll keep the distance.] I know we’re similar, and I don’t like it—that’s what I said in the first place.
[So what?] Any questions?
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Do you fear what you're capable of?
Do you lie awake at night, wondering whether you would have changed things even if you could?
Do your friends see what you've done? Are they horrified by you?
Can you forgive yourself, Aubrey? Do you even want to? Are you deserving of that?
Who are we talking about, Aubrey? Is it you, or me? They're one and the same. The only difference is power.
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[Eren Jaeger is an idiot.]
[He’s projecting. He’s practically said as much; that what he says is true might as well be a footnote. Is he so fucking lonely he’s willing to give himself away like this? He’s the pathetic one. He broke, and he’s lashing out, and she doesn’t have to listen to a goddamn word of it. She’s better than that, better than him.]
[At least she can admit it. At least she can look him in the eyes and say she knows exactly what he’s talking about. Does he think he’s saying anything new? There are no new wounds here—just words, words, useless worries, crammed through old ones like shears to the gut. The first stab is the worst, and she’s long past that now.]
[Aubrey is tired, and she is an idiot.]
[Maybe it doesn’t matter if the world is worth saving. Some individuals aren’t.]
[Her snarl has faded, replaced with something pitch. Cold. Dead. When she’d seen the body she dropped to her knees and stayed there, unable to cry, begging silently for numbness to eat her alive. She’s done plenty of the first, now. About time the rest showed up.]
[She steps up to Eren. Tilts her head, slightly, like she still needs to examine him.] You know what? [Her voice is empty as it’s ever been.] I don’t care.
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["Fight! You have to fight! If you win, you live! If you lose, you die! If you don't fight, you can't win! Fight! Fight!"
[They both may as well already be dead.]
Let that do you some service, then.
[Grief. Its familiar, hollow essence, blooming inside of him. Why is he thinking of that now?]
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[Who knew. The easiest way to find peace was to stop trying.]
Oh, I almost forgot. You asked what terrified me.
[She can’t bring herself to smile this time.] It’s this.
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[There’s obstinacy in her yet.]
It doesn’t.
[She’s lying.]
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[Too bad he has firsthand experience. Didn't he just tell her they're the same?]
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[What? Can’t still rib him?]
Ha. Guess I was right about you, too, after all.
You really are afraid.
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["It won't change anything," etc., etc.. But even he can't deny the truth when he's the one who's thrown it in her face.
[There are people from home arriving in this place now, and Aubrey knows too much. He needs to keep her close. Never mind the fact that disposing of her is also, potentially, an option. For whatever reason, it won't cross his mind.]
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