[Eren’s world isn’t conducive to sleep. Of all the very few places he’s felt at home, the cadets’ barracks would be only second on the list; even then, a soldier must always have their guard up.
[But this place is different. The pillows beneath him are softer than anything he’s ever touched. The room is silent, the monsters are far away, the Titan is defeated. Something assures Eren’s subconscious of this. Perhaps he’s been here too long.
[The blanket is wrapped tightly around his shoulders, almost as if he were cold, but it isn’t that. He dreams of his family home. He dreams of his mother wrapping a blanket around him and holding his face in her delicate hands. It’s the closest thing he’s felt to peace in years.
[And then, it’s over. Light streams in through the window, illuminating his mother only briefly before it consumes her.
[He opens his eyes. His heart collapses.
[He’s confused, momentarily, by the position he’s found himself in. Comfortable, the room at a sideways tilt. He’s so warm.
[He pushes himself to sit, feeling heavy with rest. Strange…
[He sets his eyes on Aubrey. She’s alive.]
Did you bleed through?
[His voice is hoarse with sleep, and he’s unable to fight off a yawn. It’s a very…average sight.]
[Aubrey hasn’t moved much since passing out, save the tilt of her head to the side. (Towards him.) Which means she’s still flat on her back, just as he left her. And there’s a delay between seeing him rise and then recognizing, still groggy, that he’s up, and talking to her.
[And yawning.]
Mmh… [It’s a wordless mumble, warming up the vocal cords, as one hand trails instinctively to the area in question. She doesn’t look, but it feels dry, if stained from the outburst. (Ah, yeah. That happened....)
[The yawn catches up to Aubrey, too—though it gets cut off prematurely because apparently any little thing will aggravate this stupid injury. Aubrey fixes her eyes on the ceiling, frustration creeping in again, but… generally, she’s fine as she can be. Her hand stays dry.]
[It’s strange to feel disarmed. The barracks were never that comfortable a place, were they? Eren realizes belatedly that the pillow fort should not be part of the memory. He needs to focus…]
We’re still here.
[He doesn’t need to say that it’s strange. This world’s illusions are becoming more and more real, lasting longer. Will this be a permanent injury? How long will the recovery process take? And will they remain here until it’s over?
[It feels a bit undignified, but given their close proximity, Eren moves over to her on his knees instead of standing. Grisha’s medical bag is still beside her.]
[Why would they not be here, is what Aubrey thinks. She’s just about given up on pretending she knows what to expect from anything anymore, anyone. Maybe next time they play pretend really hard, they’ll end up in outer space.]
[Relatedly, she makes a point of not looking at Eren as he moves to kneel over her again. It’s hard to tell what’s in his voice now; not quite cold, not at all gentle as before. Aubrey’s pretty sure that wasn’t a hallucination now, and she doesn’t know what to think. But she wants to hold on, to his peace in his slumber, just a little longer…]
[More concretely, she happens to notice the shirt, left wayward. She tries not to think about whose blood stains it.]
Are… you okay? [A tentative question instead, then.]
[It strikes her that she would’ve made fun of him for that question, less than a day ago. Then again, it wouldn’t have been prompted in the first place.]
You were shaking.
[She shuts her eyes, braces herself, and obeys. As expected, there’s an internal protest, but she’s less stubbornly immediate about it this time. It’s… fine. Fight. Breathe.]
You were shaking really badly. [She sounds like she’s somewhere else.]
[Again, Aubrey doesn’t move as Eren resumes his work. She’s much more cognizant this round, less rigid, but it’s not like she’s going to fight him on this.]
[And although, still without looking, she doesn’t detect the confusion, he doesn’t sound antagonistic either. Aubrey’s not sure if it would matter if he was, anyway.]
Earlier. When we were talking.
I looked away for a little bit, and…
[How specific should she be? What prompted that?]
I thought you were having a heart attack. Or a seizure or something. [Not dismissive or flippant at all. Nothing specific was in mind at the time, really.] I was even yelling for you…
[Not immediately jumping on the desperation confession? He must’ve been really out of it....]
[Aubrey starts to look his way when he pauses, notices he beat her to it, averts again. There’s something dull and heavy in her chest. Might be there to stay.]
[She decides not to tell him about the shift after.]
[She lets his words hang in silence for some time. Not at all because she believes them. It’s… a courtesy, or similar.]
[Nothing about her tone sets Eren on edge, which isn’t typical for them, but not unwelcome either. It’s amazing what can be accomplished when they aren’t at each other’s throats. It’s not as though he’s in a good mood, but at least things are calm. He can take calm for a moment.
[His mind, however, is still searching his memories. It makes his voice a little idle-sounding, like he’s not fully paying attention.]
[It does feel vaguely blasphemous that she kept his attention that long. But so did… a lot, earlier. The strayed focus is noticed, but not a bother. Somehow.]
If that happens again… what should I do.
And before[, and there’s just the slightest twinge of energy here, more firmness than agitation,] you tell me not to take responsibility… I know. I just think, if we’re here…
[ . . . ]
I don’t have your instincts.
[Not self-deprecating. Just true.]
[She’s debating whether to prod him for, yet again, skimming the point—but he speaks first.]
“Call for me.”
[It… surprises her. Enough for Aubrey to finally look at him again, her own expression… confused? Stunned. Not quite angry, but sure not happy.
[It scares her.]
[Questions rise and die in her like waves. The hand she gripped at him with earlier, feeling his pulse, closes around nothing; reopens, closes again. She’s cognizant of his touch, cognizant that he could do anything to her right now, and she… wouldn’t protest, really.
[There’s some visible floundering on her face through this. She breaks contact again. Swallows, lightly, and cedes a little more.]
[It’s not a sentiment that Eren isn’t used to, exactly, but he’s certainly not used to it coming from Aubrey. The conflict on her face is reflected in Eren’s mind. There’s the temptation to be irritated, but…something about it makes the hole in his heart yawn open wider instead. There are a lot of people who don’t want him to get hurt, and they’ll all be grieving him soon.
[He has to remind himself to stay cold. What’s done is done. 'There’s no coming back for me.']
[Aubrey sighs.] I’m not bleeding anymore. [Not as dry as it could have been. There’s a ‘thank you’ in this whole sentiment somewhere....]
[Meanwhile, finally, Aubrey takes notice of just where they are. She’s been vaguely aware of the barracks, just… preoccupied, and such surroundings don’t clash with Eren and his medical kit or anything.
[The pillow fort does. Like pink hair in a military, or the pink that spreads on her face with the realization. Mumbling:] Huh. That’s… [She trails off.
[It’s a stupid low-stakes thing to be embarrassed about, all considered.]
[Eren doesn’t particularly notice her embarrassment. The pink on her cheeks could be due to a lot of things; they’re both in an awkward position right now. When she looks around the pillow fort, Eren’s eyes follow. He mistakenly assumes they’re on the same page about it, that page being confusion. Why is all of the bedding on the floor?]
It’s strange. I know.
[Aubrey wasn’t well when he asked her to use intention. A jumbled mind would cause a mess like this, he figures.]
[Likewise, Aubrey also mistakenly assumes they’re on the same page. Confusion, sure—but “why is that here,” not “what is it.”]
[She hasn’t noticed his focus followed, and plants a hand on the cheek facing him.] Earlier… you asked me to imagine somewhere safe. [Her brow furrows. That doesn’t sound right, but it’s what she responded to....] How did that get us here?
[He hadn’t gone through the trouble of explaining this to her before. Honestly, he hadn’t wanted to give the secret up to anyone else, especially not Aubrey. He likes to keep every card to himself if he can, and he didn’t want her having the upper hand.
[Things feel different now. Willing yourself to another location is much faster than running.]
This world listens to our intentions.
Sometimes.
[He’s interrupted by another yawn, which he turns his face away for this time. Now he really feels undignified. He idly wishes he could be less human right now.]
I’ve been practicing. I guess you should do.
[Then, with another glance around the pillow fort:]
I don’t know what you were thinking of. You must have been confused.
Doesn’t matter, I guess. You still managed to land somewhere soft, even if it is a mess.
[It’s a little strange getting an actual answer—but that’s been consistent from the start, hasn’t it? Either this or deflection.]
[Idly Aubrey is reminded of Eren’s actual intentions, for his world. It’s strange, doubtlessly, having that occur to her like no big deal. It hasn’t been on her mind at all, really; more than anything, she hopes this world’s malleability means if he starts shaking again, she can pretend-intend them into a hospital.
[The dissonance is not lost on her—his life, and the countless he has been and will be responsible for ending. It’s as though the rest are too abstract, too distant, to be real to her.
[Eren, here, and his ever-normal yawning… is real.
[She’ll mull over it later.]
It’s not a mess. [And though it’s still embarrassing, she watches Eren with a wary side-eye as she talks. Just in case.] You’ve never made a pillow fort before…?
[Ah. A realization. It’s not as strange to Aubrey as it is to him; this was intentional.]
This? [He glances around the fort a third time, a gesture.]
No.
This is common for you?
[His tone could be misconstrued as judgmental, maybe, but he is genuinely curious too, even if that’s not what shines through. It just seems like such a strange thing. He can ascertain now that it’s probably for fun, but. Strange all the same.
[Maybe part of Eren never stopped wondering about what another world would be like.]
[It does sound judgmental to her—in the same way “privileged” is a judgment, in retrospect saying so much more about the speaker than the listener. Aubrey cannot imagine Eren at 12 years old.]
Hah. Yeah, they’re pretty common where I’m from, I guess. [Quietly sidestepping whether they were common for her. She gets a little too lost in the memory to realize the inadvertent admission of safety, though.]
[Aubrey’s too sore to pull her knees all the way up to her chest, but that’s alright; she doesn’t want to completely lose focus on Eren again anyway. The moment feels dangerously close to right before that happened, and she settles for a midway position—relaxed, but not all the way.]
My friends and I used to make little hideaways like this. We’d, ah… [Why is she admitting all this? Why does it feel like an admission?] We’d fall asleep in them, together. It was nice.
[Eren’s expression is as blank as ever as Aubrey explains the strange custom, but as she finishes, his eyes go not to the pillow fort, but over his shoulder at the bunks lining the walls. They’re all far too large for only one body to sleep in. His eyes linger there for a few moments before he idly responds.]
Why not just use a bed?
spawning a specific event headcanon effective immediately lesgooo
[Aubrey follows his gaze. She hadn’t paid much attention to the bunks before, and now that she’s noticing the size it’s a wonder it took this long. Eren has that effect, she guesses.
[Slightly disquieting.]
[Her answer’s a bit delayed, subsequently. She shrugs.] More fun this way. There were lots of us, and one or two beds at most… only seemed fair.
[A faint smile crosses her face, much as it’s a long-gone time. The last sleepover they’d had was mid-March, and already getting warm… but the winter ones were her favorite. She doesn’t need a polaroid to remember the blizzard that swept through Faraway that last winter, ice gnawing through the walls—but everyone’s patience all the more. The storm at that house was intolerable as ever; it’d always had terrible insulation. (Aubrey doesn’t notice, but a faint draft wanders into the barracks. It’s as though the walls have become patchwork.)
[But all the howling in the world had nothing on her friends. Equal parts cheesy and poetic, that; the moment she stepped in one of their homes, it was warm. They bashed each other with pillows (something Aubrey always had a little too much fun with) and collapsed in the aftermath, giggling and whispering until sleep whisked them away. And even when the power went out, in the dead of night, they clutched their stuffed toys and each other, pulled up every blanket, and made their own peace.]
[Aubrey doesn’t dare say any of this; her bittersweet expression, as she temporarily surrenders focus to the fort, is the only giveaway. Thing is, she always had to leave. It made the world outside sting all the more—but god, she wouldn’t have traded it for anything.]
[Watching Aubrey’s expression, noting her pause, Eren can’t help but find it a bit refreshing not to be the only one stuck in his head. The drop in temperature, though, is notable. Eren’s body runs abnormally hot; it takes a lot for him to notice the cold.
[He does recall that winter in the 104th cadet core. 'A little cold and I’m thinking of that?' Christa and Ymir— No, Historia and Ymir, lost in the mountains. Eren felt too warm in his thick, fur-lined coat, but he could still feel it on his face; bitter cold and wind, stinging his eyes.
[He shivers.
[It’s strange, seeing her smile like that. She’s thinking of her friends, he’s certain. The pit inside of him sinks deeper. This isn’t a train of thought he wants to follow too closely.
[Still, he can almost picture a similar scene with Armin and Mikasa growing up, if only things had been different. But they weren’t.
[He’s just not sure what to say.]
Then you meant to bring this here?
[Bring it back to intention; a goal, a mission, an objective to meet, and so, study is necessary.]
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[But this place is different. The pillows beneath him are softer than anything he’s ever touched. The room is silent, the monsters are far away, the Titan is defeated. Something assures Eren’s subconscious of this. Perhaps he’s been here too long.
[The blanket is wrapped tightly around his shoulders, almost as if he were cold, but it isn’t that. He dreams of his family home. He dreams of his mother wrapping a blanket around him and holding his face in her delicate hands. It’s the closest thing he’s felt to peace in years.
[And then, it’s over. Light streams in through the window, illuminating his mother only briefly before it consumes her.
[He opens his eyes. His heart collapses.
[He’s confused, momentarily, by the position he’s found himself in. Comfortable, the room at a sideways tilt. He’s so warm.
[He pushes himself to sit, feeling heavy with rest. Strange…
[He sets his eyes on Aubrey. She’s alive.]
Did you bleed through?
[His voice is hoarse with sleep, and he’s unable to fight off a yawn. It’s a very…average sight.]
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[Aubrey hasn’t moved much since passing out, save the tilt of her head to the side. (Towards him.) Which means she’s still flat on her back, just as he left her. And there’s a delay between seeing him rise and then recognizing, still groggy, that he’s up, and talking to her.
[And yawning.]
Mmh… [It’s a wordless mumble, warming up the vocal cords, as one hand trails instinctively to the area in question. She doesn’t look, but it feels dry, if stained from the outburst. (Ah, yeah. That happened....)
[The yawn catches up to Aubrey, too—though it gets cut off prematurely because apparently any little thing will aggravate this stupid injury. Aubrey fixes her eyes on the ceiling, frustration creeping in again, but… generally, she’s fine as she can be. Her hand stays dry.]
Guess not.
[How fortunate.]
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We’re still here.
[He doesn’t need to say that it’s strange. This world’s illusions are becoming more and more real, lasting longer. Will this be a permanent injury? How long will the recovery process take? And will they remain here until it’s over?
[It feels a bit undignified, but given their close proximity, Eren moves over to her on his knees instead of standing. Grisha’s medical bag is still beside her.]
I need to check your wound.
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[Why would they not be here, is what Aubrey thinks. She’s just about given up on pretending she knows what to expect from anything anymore, anyone. Maybe next time they play pretend really hard, they’ll end up in outer space.]
[Relatedly, she makes a point of not looking at Eren as he moves to kneel over her again. It’s hard to tell what’s in his voice now; not quite cold, not at all gentle as before. Aubrey’s pretty sure that wasn’t a hallucination now, and she doesn’t know what to think. But she wants to hold on, to his peace in his slumber, just a little longer…]
[More concretely, she happens to notice the shirt, left wayward. She tries not to think about whose blood stains it.]
Are… you okay? [A tentative question instead, then.]
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[At her question, though:]
Why wouldn’t I be?
Sit up. Slowly.
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[It strikes her that she would’ve made fun of him for that question, less than a day ago. Then again, it wouldn’t have been prompted in the first place.]
You were shaking.
[She shuts her eyes, braces herself, and obeys. As expected, there’s an internal protest, but she’s less stubbornly immediate about it this time. It’s… fine. Fight. Breathe.]
You were shaking really badly. [She sounds like she’s somewhere else.]
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[Shaking? The shift in expression is as subtle as always, but a pinched brow betrays his very genuine confusion.]
No I wasn’t.
[He isn’t being stubborn. There’s very little agitation in his voice. As if to reinforce this:]
When?
[In his sleep…?]
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[Again, Aubrey doesn’t move as Eren resumes his work. She’s much more cognizant this round, less rigid, but it’s not like she’s going to fight him on this.]
[And although, still without looking, she doesn’t detect the confusion, he doesn’t sound antagonistic either. Aubrey’s not sure if it would matter if he was, anyway.]
Earlier. When we were talking.
I looked away for a little bit, and…
[How specific should she be? What prompted that?]
I thought you were having a heart attack. Or a seizure or something. [Not dismissive or flippant at all. Nothing specific was in mind at the time, really.] I was even yelling for you…
You didn’t answer.
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[He looks at her, eyes narrowing. What did she see, exactly? And what does that mean for him…?
[So few people know how weak he really is. Goddammit.
[His work resumes.]
I’m fine.
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[Not immediately jumping on the desperation confession? He must’ve been really out of it....]
[Aubrey starts to look his way when he pauses, notices he beat her to it, averts again. There’s something dull and heavy in her chest. Might be there to stay.]
[She decides not to tell him about the shift after.]
[She lets his words hang in silence for some time. Not at all because she believes them. It’s… a courtesy, or similar.]
Hey, Eren. [This, instead.]
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[His mind, however, is still searching his memories. It makes his voice a little idle-sounding, like he’s not fully paying attention.]
What is it?
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[It does feel vaguely blasphemous that she kept his attention that long. But so did… a lot, earlier. The strayed focus is noticed, but not a bother. Somehow.]
If that happens again… what should I do.
And before[, and there’s just the slightest twinge of energy here, more firmness than agitation,] you tell me not to take responsibility… I know. I just think, if we’re here…
[ . . . ]
I don’t have your instincts.
[Not self-deprecating. Just true.]
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If you see something like that again, run.
[There’s a pause.]
Call for me.
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[Eren.
Please.]
[She’s debating whether to prod him for, yet again, skimming the point—but he speaks first.]
“Call for me.”
[It… surprises her. Enough for Aubrey to finally look at him again, her own expression… confused? Stunned. Not quite angry, but sure not happy.
[It scares her.]
[Questions rise and die in her like waves. The hand she gripped at him with earlier, feeling his pulse, closes around nothing; reopens, closes again. She’s cognizant of his touch, cognizant that he could do anything to her right now, and she… wouldn’t protest, really.
[There’s some visible floundering on her face through this. She breaks contact again. Swallows, lightly, and cedes a little more.]
I don’t want you to get hurt.
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[He has to remind himself to stay cold. What’s done is done. 'There’s no coming back for me.']
[He finishes with her bandage.]
Worry about yourself. I’m not the one bleeding.
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[Expected enough, really.]
[Aubrey sighs.] I’m not bleeding anymore. [Not as dry as it could have been. There’s a ‘thank you’ in this whole sentiment somewhere....]
[Meanwhile, finally, Aubrey takes notice of just where they are. She’s been vaguely aware of the barracks, just… preoccupied, and such surroundings don’t clash with Eren and his medical kit or anything.
[The pillow fort does. Like pink hair in a military, or the pink that spreads on her face with the realization. Mumbling:] Huh. That’s… [She trails off.
[It’s a stupid low-stakes thing to be embarrassed about, all considered.]
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It’s strange. I know.
[Aubrey wasn’t well when he asked her to use intention. A jumbled mind would cause a mess like this, he figures.]
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[Likewise, Aubrey also mistakenly assumes they’re on the same page. Confusion, sure—but “why is that here,” not “what is it.”]
[She hasn’t noticed his focus followed, and plants a hand on the cheek facing him.] Earlier… you asked me to imagine somewhere safe. [Her brow furrows. That doesn’t sound right, but it’s what she responded to....] How did that get us here?
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[Things feel different now. Willing yourself to another location is much faster than running.]
This world listens to our intentions.
Sometimes.
[He’s interrupted by another yawn, which he turns his face away for this time. Now he really feels undignified. He idly wishes he could be less human right now.]
I’ve been practicing. I guess you should do.
[Then, with another glance around the pillow fort:]
I don’t know what you were thinking of. You must have been confused.
Doesn’t matter, I guess. You still managed to land somewhere soft, even if it is a mess.
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[It’s a little strange getting an actual answer—but that’s been consistent from the start, hasn’t it? Either this or deflection.]
[Idly Aubrey is reminded of Eren’s actual intentions, for his world. It’s strange, doubtlessly, having that occur to her like no big deal. It hasn’t been on her mind at all, really; more than anything, she hopes this world’s malleability means if he starts shaking again, she can pretend-intend them into a hospital.
[The dissonance is not lost on her—his life, and the countless he has been and will be responsible for ending. It’s as though the rest are too abstract, too distant, to be real to her.
[Eren, here, and his ever-normal yawning… is real.
[She’ll mull over it later.]
It’s not a mess. [And though it’s still embarrassing, she watches Eren with a wary side-eye as she talks. Just in case.] You’ve never made a pillow fort before…?
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This? [He glances around the fort a third time, a gesture.]
No.
This is common for you?
[His tone could be misconstrued as judgmental, maybe, but he is genuinely curious too, even if that’s not what shines through. It just seems like such a strange thing. He can ascertain now that it’s probably for fun, but. Strange all the same.
[Maybe part of Eren never stopped wondering about what another world would be like.]
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[It does sound judgmental to her—in the same way “privileged” is a judgment, in retrospect saying so much more about the speaker than the listener. Aubrey cannot imagine Eren at 12 years old.]
Hah. Yeah, they’re pretty common where I’m from, I guess. [Quietly sidestepping whether they were common for her. She gets a little too lost in the memory to realize the inadvertent admission of safety, though.]
[Aubrey’s too sore to pull her knees all the way up to her chest, but that’s alright; she doesn’t want to completely lose focus on Eren again anyway. The moment feels dangerously close to right before that happened, and she settles for a midway position—relaxed, but not all the way.]
My friends and I used to make little hideaways like this. We’d, ah… [Why is she admitting all this? Why does it feel like an admission?] We’d fall asleep in them, together. It was nice.
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Why not just use a bed?
spawning a specific event headcanon effective immediately lesgooo
[Aubrey follows his gaze. She hadn’t paid much attention to the bunks before, and now that she’s noticing the size it’s a wonder it took this long. Eren has that effect, she guesses.
[Slightly disquieting.]
[Her answer’s a bit delayed, subsequently. She shrugs.] More fun this way. There were lots of us, and one or two beds at most… only seemed fair.
[A faint smile crosses her face, much as it’s a long-gone time. The last sleepover they’d had was mid-March, and already getting warm… but the winter ones were her favorite. She doesn’t need a polaroid to remember the blizzard that swept through Faraway that last winter, ice gnawing through the walls—but everyone’s patience all the more. The storm at that house was intolerable as ever; it’d always had terrible insulation. (Aubrey doesn’t notice, but a faint draft wanders into the barracks. It’s as though the walls have become patchwork.)
[But all the howling in the world had nothing on her friends. Equal parts cheesy and poetic, that; the moment she stepped in one of their homes, it was warm. They bashed each other with pillows (something Aubrey always had a little too much fun with) and collapsed in the aftermath, giggling and whispering until sleep whisked them away. And even when the power went out, in the dead of night, they clutched their stuffed toys and each other, pulled up every blanket, and made their own peace.]
[Aubrey doesn’t dare say any of this; her bittersweet expression, as she temporarily surrenders focus to the fort, is the only giveaway. Thing is, she always had to leave. It made the world outside sting all the more—but god, she wouldn’t have traded it for anything.]
[The room is rapidly getting colder.]
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[He does recall that winter in the 104th cadet core. 'A little cold and I’m thinking of that?' Christa and Ymir— No, Historia and Ymir, lost in the mountains. Eren felt too warm in his thick, fur-lined coat, but he could still feel it on his face; bitter cold and wind, stinging his eyes.
[He shivers.
[It’s strange, seeing her smile like that. She’s thinking of her friends, he’s certain. The pit inside of him sinks deeper. This isn’t a train of thought he wants to follow too closely.
[Still, he can almost picture a similar scene with Armin and Mikasa growing up, if only things had been different. But they weren’t.
[He’s just not sure what to say.]
Then you meant to bring this here?
[Bring it back to intention; a goal, a mission, an objective to meet, and so, study is necessary.]
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