I saw that you were in danger and took action. I'm a sold-- [He cuts himself off sharp.]
I did what my instincts told me to. That's all.
[Which is why he caught her when she fell, spoke to her in soft tones, gently laid her on her back, brought her to a safe place, tenderly wrapped her bandage...
[The self-cutoff is interesting, at least. It got a raised eyebrow, while it lasted.]
Sure you will.
[She debates answering his return question for a moment. But that wold require appreciating the extra care he’s shown, and… does she? Does she really?]
[Absolutely. A lot. In the moment. It’s passed now, though, and she’s not dwelling on it.]
You got weird instincts. [Some emotion returns to her voice at that—albeit that of someone who’s annoyed beyond all hell.]
[There’s a moment where Aubrey has to decide if that makes her feel bad for him or not. It is objectively awful. He is (she still thinks) an objectively awful person. And the time for sympathy over eaten mothers… well, that particular moment has also passed.]
[She lands on this:] That normal for your military?
[Still trying to sound distant, even judgmental—but Eren might’ve caught the thought on her face, if he was paying attention. Not that it lasted, and not that she’s letting too much curiosity show now. But it gave her pause, and the distance is ever so tentatively lowered.]
[It's strange. Eren doesn't catch much more about Aubrey's tone than that it's just a bit more casual-sounding, and he's...bizarrely grateful for that. Perhaps the previous conversation flustered him more than he'd like to admit; perhaps the rescue did too. He doesn't allow himself to dwell on that thought for too long.
[It scares him.]
It is.
Cadet training takes a minimum of three years. If you don't start early, what's the point?
[See, Aubrey? It's not so bad. They're only cadets at twelve so they can be frontline soldiers by fifteen.]
[Almost like it’s not fun to dwell on things that make you feel things you’d rather not.]
That’s fucked. [Entirely flippant.] I know, I know, hell world. Cruel life.
[She hadn’t quite realized she was so tense, even with the front. Without thinking Aubrey pulls up her knees, crosses her arms over them; casual gesture, not sinking into it—but it does remind her she’s still sore. She flinches involuntarily during the movement, and averts her eyes in frustration.]
[After settling, she keeps that gaze away. For now.] Must’ve seen a lot worse than this....
[Eren watches her shift and flinch. Something about it irritates him. 'It's going to start bleeding again...'
[He's about to say something when she makes her last statement. He falls silent in a new and unsettling way. Of all the things Eren can control - himself, others, the future, the world - when and when not to remember isn't one of them. Trauma robs one of control.
[His eyes don't just go distant - they stare off into nothing as if they're searching a horizon one hundred miles away. A storm of memories erupts in his mind. Face after bloody face; his fallen comrades. Countless faces, ceaseless screams - showers of blood, guts, and brain matter. The deafening sounds of titans chewing and tearing - a body's worth of bones, crushed all at once, not so much crunching as crackling. Limbs falling from the sky. Men and women - soldiers - begging for their lives, crying for their mothers--
[Aubrey doesn’t realize anything’s wrong, right away.]
[If the movement did spur more bleeding Aubrey resolves not to notice that, either. Fight, right? Just grit your teeth and keep breathing through the sting. Ridiculous, she thinks, that this guy’s voice is in her head so much.]
[But it really must be a lot that he’s seen, age 12 and all. Okay, maybe she’s a little sorry for being flippant again. She looks back to him and—]
[Oh god???]
[Aubrey sits bolt upright, wound be damned.] E– Eren? [It’s choked, because that definitely hurt, but, fuck it. Louder, worried:] Eren?!
[Eren hears Aubrey's voice like he's underwater - deep. He's vaguely aware of his name, but...when she shouts it, he only hears the voices of his comrades. They spent plenty of time calling out his name too...
[Memories land like missiles. Levi's squad, all with matching bite marks on their hands in solidarity with Eren. They loaded their bodies onto the carts to bring them back home. Titans came. The carts were too slow. They sacrificed the bodies; their second sacrifice...
[Their faces. Their screams. The sounds their bodies made when Annie crushed them in her hands.
[It's just one anecdote. A thousand others cycle rapidly through his mind, so quick and violent that he can't possibly focus on anything else. His ears start ringing like he's going to pass out.]
[Aubrey is not a medic. She doesn’t know what she’s seeing. She just knows, instinctively, this is different, this could be dangerous; she’s seen friends panic but not like this, never like this, she yells out his name again, why is he not responding?!
[He’s going to die. That, of all thoughts, is what grips her, and she doesn’t want that, and she starts crying and it hurts, and adrenaline launches her to her feet and she grabs at his shoulders as if, if she does that hard enough, he’ll stop shaking, and stay with her.]
[The sudden contact startles Eren. It's pure luck that it doesn't startle him into an attack. With where his mind is right now, Aubrey could have easily gotten her neck broken trying to interfere. But he doesn't do that. Instead, his eyes refocus, this time on Aubrey. He stares at her, and it isn't anything like the stares she's used to.
[For the last few minutes, in Eren's mind, he's been fifteen. And he looks like he looked when he was fifteen. Stunned, blinking tears down his cheeks.]
[Her face is twisted in pain and grief and fear, so much more human and aware than when he found her, and as Eren finally focuses on her she nearly collapses with relief.
[But he might not be out of the woods yet.] E-Eren, you— A-are you…? [The words are strangled, but god damn it if she doesn’t try anyway, like his life depends on it. For all she knows it still does, and her fingers are a vicegrip on his shoulders, almost burning.] C-can you focus? [Please. Please.]
[He is focused, isn't he? He gives the room a quick glance. The Scouts' barracks - exactly where he expected to be. It doesn't occur to him that he shouldn't know who Aubrey is. The folds of time are indistinguishable in his mind.]
You're bleeding...
[He's looking down now, where white bandages have gone red.]
Lie down, okay?
[He takes her by the shoulders in kind, and gently guides her to lay flat - tries to, anyway. His hands are still trembling slightly as he does so.]
You're alive. [His own voice sounds strange and foreign to him. Why?]
[So much for feeling nothing. It’s as though, in her surge of panic and care and heartache for Eren, Eren Jaeger, Eren Jaeger who broke her spirit and saved her life and drives her crazy and (she thinks) almost died, Eren Jaeger, Eren End-of-the-World Jaeger, Eren Jaeger with the gentle hands and the dead-eyed shaking, Eren who-might-as-well-be-her-whole-world-now Jaeger, Eren, Eren Jaeger, Eren Jaeger—]
[She can’t tell if the shooting, stabbing pain is from her heart or stomach or where, it doesn’t matter (what does, here, anymore), but it’s the only thing keeping her from just…]
[Aubrey is in no condition to resist as Eren, Eren, Eren takes her shoulders back, lies her flat. She buries her palms in her face and tries to shut up, make his job of dealing with her a little easier. At least his voice (again) gives her something else to focus on (again), and she stops blubbering his name to reply (that’s new):]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Very, very funny. Eren might catch a faint, quick expression cross Aubrey’s face; it’s not fear.]
I asked first.
[And if (and only if) he hesitates, or starts to deflect again:] Answer me.
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You don't get to tell me what to do.
Am I afraid of you? Not by a long shot. I could tear you to pieces if I wanted to. I know you're well aware of that now.
[And yet he's still! Deflecting!]
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[She meets his glare. No irritation; not amused.]
You won’t.
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Hm.
I don’t care. Answer me.
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[He can do this all day.]
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[Game on.]
Why would I ever think you’re afraid of me. [Come on.]
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I spared your life. What does that have to do with fear? Be grateful I didn't let you die.
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Kh. “Spared.”
[She doesn’t have the energy to taunt him proper, but she can talk now. She can talk juuuust fine.]
Don’t be stupid, Jaeger. You say you don’t know why you did that. Does that scare you?
an apt icon for how he's feeling rn
[aubrey voice] i won’t hesitate, bitch
[Aubrey doesn’t know if she should feel smug or pissed. Good thing she’s getting better at staying blank-faced, huh?]
You’re still not answering me.
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[A lie? Possibly.]
I saw that you were in danger and took action. I'm a sold-- [He cuts himself off sharp.]
I did what my instincts told me to. That's all.
[Which is why he caught her when she fell, spoke to her in soft tones, gently laid her on her back, brought her to a safe place, tenderly wrapped her bandage...
[Even he thinks he's full of shit.]
Next time I'll let that thing tear you to shreds.
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Mhm.
[The self-cutoff is interesting, at least. It got a raised eyebrow, while it lasted.]
Sure you will.
[She debates answering his return question for a moment. But that wold require appreciating the extra care he’s shown, and… does she? Does she really?]
[Absolutely. A lot. In the moment. It’s passed now, though, and she’s not dwelling on it.]
You got weird instincts. [Some emotion returns to her voice at that—albeit that of someone who’s annoyed beyond all hell.]
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I joined the military when I was twelve. I know when to act.
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[There’s a moment where Aubrey has to decide if that makes her feel bad for him or not. It is objectively awful. He is (she still thinks) an objectively awful person. And the time for sympathy over eaten mothers… well, that particular moment has also passed.]
[She lands on this:] That normal for your military?
[Still trying to sound distant, even judgmental—but Eren might’ve caught the thought on her face, if he was paying attention. Not that it lasted, and not that she’s letting too much curiosity show now. But it gave her pause, and the distance is ever so tentatively lowered.]
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[It scares him.]
It is.
Cadet training takes a minimum of three years. If you don't start early, what's the point?
[See, Aubrey? It's not so bad. They're only cadets at twelve so they can be frontline soldiers by fifteen.]
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[Almost like it’s not fun to dwell on things that make you feel things you’d rather not.]
That’s fucked. [Entirely flippant.] I know, I know, hell world. Cruel life.
[She hadn’t quite realized she was so tense, even with the front. Without thinking Aubrey pulls up her knees, crosses her arms over them; casual gesture, not sinking into it—but it does remind her she’s still sore. She flinches involuntarily during the movement, and averts her eyes in frustration.]
[After settling, she keeps that gaze away. For now.] Must’ve seen a lot worse than this....
TW: heavy gore
[He's about to say something when she makes her last statement. He falls silent in a new and unsettling way. Of all the things Eren can control - himself, others, the future, the world - when and when not to remember isn't one of them. Trauma robs one of control.
[His eyes don't just go distant - they stare off into nothing as if they're searching a horizon one hundred miles away. A storm of memories erupts in his mind. Face after bloody face; his fallen comrades. Countless faces, ceaseless screams - showers of blood, guts, and brain matter. The deafening sounds of titans chewing and tearing - a body's worth of bones, crushed all at once, not so much crunching as crackling. Limbs falling from the sky. Men and women - soldiers - begging for their lives, crying for their mothers--
[His entire body is shaking.]
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[Aubrey doesn’t realize anything’s wrong, right away.]
[If the movement did spur more bleeding Aubrey resolves not to notice that, either. Fight, right? Just grit your teeth and keep breathing through the sting. Ridiculous, she thinks, that this guy’s voice is in her head so much.]
[But it really must be a lot that he’s seen, age 12 and all. Okay, maybe she’s a little sorry for being flippant again. She looks back to him and—]
[Oh god???]
[Aubrey sits bolt upright, wound be damned.] E– Eren? [It’s choked, because that definitely hurt, but, fuck it. Louder, worried:] Eren?!
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[Memories land like missiles. Levi's squad, all with matching bite marks on their hands in solidarity with Eren. They loaded their bodies onto the carts to bring them back home. Titans came. The carts were too slow. They sacrificed the bodies; their second sacrifice...
[Their faces. Their screams. The sounds their bodies made when Annie crushed them in her hands.
[It's just one anecdote. A thousand others cycle rapidly through his mind, so quick and violent that he can't possibly focus on anything else. His ears start ringing like he's going to pass out.]
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[Aubrey is not a medic. She doesn’t know what she’s seeing. She just knows, instinctively, this is different, this could be dangerous; she’s seen friends panic but not like this, never like this, she yells out his name again, why is he not responding?!
[He’s going to die. That, of all thoughts, is what grips her, and she doesn’t want that, and she starts crying and it hurts, and adrenaline launches her to her feet and she grabs at his shoulders as if, if she does that hard enough, he’ll stop shaking, and stay with her.]
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[For the last few minutes, in Eren's mind, he's been fifteen. And he looks like he looked when he was fifteen. Stunned, blinking tears down his cheeks.]
What...? What is it?
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[Her face is twisted in pain and grief and fear, so much more human and aware than when he found her, and as Eren finally focuses on her she nearly collapses with relief.
[But he might not be out of the woods yet.] E-Eren, you— A-are you…? [The words are strangled, but god damn it if she doesn’t try anyway, like his life depends on it. For all she knows it still does, and her fingers are a vicegrip on his shoulders, almost burning.] C-can you focus? [Please. Please.]
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You're bleeding...
[He's looking down now, where white bandages have gone red.]
Lie down, okay?
[He takes her by the shoulders in kind, and gently guides her to lay flat - tries to, anyway. His hands are still trembling slightly as he does so.]
You're alive. [His own voice sounds strange and foreign to him. Why?]
That's...all that matters now...
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[Aubrey sobs. Violently.]
[So much for feeling nothing. It’s as though, in her surge of panic and care and heartache for Eren, Eren Jaeger, Eren Jaeger who broke her spirit and saved her life and drives her crazy and (she thinks) almost died, Eren Jaeger, Eren End-of-the-World Jaeger, Eren Jaeger with the gentle hands and the dead-eyed shaking, Eren who-might-as-well-be-her-whole-world-now Jaeger, Eren, Eren Jaeger, Eren Jaeger—]
[She can’t tell if the shooting, stabbing pain is from her heart or stomach or where, it doesn’t matter (what does, here, anymore), but it’s the only thing keeping her from just…]
[Aubrey is in no condition to resist as Eren, Eren, Eren takes her shoulders back, lies her flat. She buries her palms in her face and tries to shut up, make his job of dealing with her a little easier. At least his voice (again) gives her something else to focus on (again), and she stops blubbering his name to reply (that’s new):]
No… no, y-you’re alive… that’s what… matters....
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spawning a specific event headcanon effective immediately lesgooo
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